I had a very unproductive weekend. I have this…. thing… that happens every single time I take on a new project. Y’see, whenever I’ve finished a job– whether it’s a mini series or I’m moving on from an ongoing I’ve been drawing– I like to take a week or so to unwind… to decompress. I never realized just how stressful drawing under pressure of publication deadlines could be before I got into this business, and so when I’ve finished with a job, I need to just vegetate in front of the TV or do a lot of reading to ‘cleanse my mental palate’, so to speak. I just need to step away. Unfortunately, that always creates a big problem for me as a result. I’ve always needed to draw almost every day– that is to create a new drawing, whether it’s something finished or just a sketch– to keep loose, fluid and to keep my confidence in my abilities up.

It’s sort of like a vicious cycle with each new project. I have the need to step away after such a long period of time in the pressure cooker of comics production — and yet, by stepping away and not drawing consistently for a week or so, I lose confidence and the belief in my abilities that allow me to produce work in a somewhat timely manner. The result of this is that I get entirely intimidated by the script for my new assignment…. and those doubts and deep seeded fears that I’m completely unsuited for that new job– or worse– that feeling that creative folks (or maybe anyone, for that matter) can get that they’re a fraud and unworthy of the position they’re in…. comes creeping in. I would have thought that after almost 15 years of drawing comics on a somewhat consistent basis (I always have to throw in that qualifier– I’ve never been a true monthly guy. It takes me 6 weeks or more to produce a fully pencilled comic book), that I would have either worked past this situation that hobbles me at the beginning of each new job… or I would have found some way to comfortably prevent or circumvent it. Perhaps that will never happen. I just might have to resign myself to that frustrating fact of life…. or, maybe it’s just something that’s tied up in the work-for-hire world. I’ve never had that problem with anything I’ve drawn for myself. TELLOS never presented me with those feelings. I looked forward to each new day with TELLOS.

So maybe it’s the difference between working for ‘The Man’ and working for myself.

I spent the weekend working on character designs for some of the players in this new project I’m starting… so hopefully though I haven’t done any actual interior page work on the book, that will loosen me up enough to get started.

So– I’m gonna get to it. Have a great start to the work week, folks.

This is Entry 398 (only one more post until 400….)

Mike